you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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