Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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