i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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