Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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