is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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