if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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