He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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