You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize