I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize