I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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