I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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