I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize