peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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