New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize