John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize