Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize