Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize