So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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