Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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