I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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