those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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