I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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