Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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