So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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