So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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