so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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