Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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