M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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