FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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