Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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