do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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