we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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