idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize