dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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