FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize