why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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