the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize