I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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