so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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