we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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