he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize