These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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