Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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