so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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