Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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