maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize