So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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