Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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