uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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