Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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